what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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