just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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