Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
