I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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