i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
