Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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