life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
