you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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