Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
