How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
