You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
