I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
