How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
