Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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