she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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