Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
