I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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