For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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