ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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