I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
