Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
