You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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