i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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