youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
