if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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