Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
