I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
do nipples grow back?
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