I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
