So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize