i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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