Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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