i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
