you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
