this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize