is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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