so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
