i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
