the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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