I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize