he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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