Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mom said you looked used
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
