i need an iv and a liver transplant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
