Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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