going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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