I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
