I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize