She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
