those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
