If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
