I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I touched a dick in church today
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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