Umm I'm too high to move.
You're so nebulous sometimes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize