Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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