Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
