I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
