My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
