in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Boobs speak an international language.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
