Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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