Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
