dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
