; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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