I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
