Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pappa wants mamma naked
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
