just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
