Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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