fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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