highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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