Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
