we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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