there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
