Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
