Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
