i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
