omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
