she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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