Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
