did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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