What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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