Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
